Two green movies and Thor

Here’s a quick breakdown of the upcoming superhero releases based solely on trailers and hearsay.

3. Green Hornet: Stephen Chow directing a Hollywood superhero movie starring Seth Rogen with Nicolas Cage as a supervillain, coming out Summer 2010? Awesome!

Then Chow drops 0ut, to be replaced by Michel Gondry? Okay, still cool.

Then Nicolas Cage drops out, replaced by Christoph Waltz? Still fine.

Then its pushed to dump-month January? Uh-oh.

The trailer is a bland-a-thon? I’m getting concerned.

And their post-converting it to 3D? Maybe it’ll be better than The Last Airbender.

Pros: The writers. Director. Hopefully practical effects.

Cons: Cameron Diaz as a plucky new secretary. Isn’t she 40?

2. Green Lantern: A dumb-looking purple alien gives Ryan Reynolds a ring and he gets a new CGI body that can project ‘magic fist.’

Isn’t Green Lantern the guy who’s allergic to yellow?

Pros: Ryan Reynolds seems very nice when not buried underground.

Cons: From the director of Vertical Limit!

1. Thor. Check out Anthony Hopkins' golden eyepatch. Then remember this is from Kenneth Branagh the director of the clusterfuck that is Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. I cannot wait for this movie b/c everything here screams high-profile train-wreck.

I will not look away.

Pros: Natalie Portman is so hot its dumb.

Cons: It’s Thor. There are no cons.